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TED：为什么赢得胜利的人，未必能赢得人生？（附视频&演讲稿）
大部分人心中，赢了就是成功，输了就是失败，所以我们拼命想赢。但赢下了冠军，就算是成功了吗？作为加州大学洛杉矶分校女子体操队的主教练，Valorie Kondos Field带领团队获得了一个又一个的冠军，并因其领导能力而广受赞誉。在29年的教练生涯里，瓦洛里曾经很想要赢得胜利，但后来她发现比赢得胜利更有意义的事情，是帮助队员获得自己内心的成功。因为想要赢得冠军的人，谁也不知道他曾付出过多少代价，经历过多少煎熬。而获得成功的人，他一定是快乐的，因为他做回了自己，因为他从自己所做的事情中，找到了自我和快乐！所以让我们摒弃为了获胜不计一切代价的好胜之心，营造鼓励与支持的环境，关注内心的动力与成长，培养真正的人生赢家！
讲者简介
体操教练，前芭蕾舞演员和舞蹈教练。她是UCLA女子体操队的退役主教练，被认为是有史以来最优秀的大学体操教练之一，在担任教练期间，曾带领体操队七次获得全国冠军。
Whoa. OK.喔，好的
I am the recently retired head coach of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team, a position that I held for 29 years.我最近从UCLA 女子体操队总教练这个职位退休，我待在这岗位29 年了
Winning is really, really, like, really, really fun.获胜真的非常、非常、非常有趣
But I am here to share my insight: winning does not always equal success. All across America and around the world, we have a crisis in the win-at-all-cost cultures that we have created. In our schools, in our businesses, in politics, winning at all cost has become acceptable. 不过我今天想分享我的见解：获胜并非就是成功了。美国还有全世界的人们，正面临自己招致的危机，那就是不计代价获胜的文化。在学术、商业，或政治领域，大家逐渐接受这种文化。
As a society, we honor the people at the top of the pyramid. We effusively applaud those people who win championships and elections and awards. But sadly, quite often, those same people are leaving their institutions as damaged human beings. 在我们的社会里，站在金字塔顶端能得到荣耀。我们过度为那些赢得冠军、选举、奖项的人喝彩，但常常这些人却是遍体鳞伤。离开原本所在的团体，这令人非常难过。
Sadly, with straight A's, kids are leaving school damaged. With awards and medals, athletes often leave their teams damaged, emotionally, mentally, not just physically. And with huge profits, employees often leave their companies damaged. 同样地，成绩优异的学生，却也受到伤害后离开校园。运动员囊括奖项和奖牌后，时常伤痕累累离队。 不只是身体上的伤害，情感、心理也可能无所幸免。创造巨额营收的公司，员工时常带伤离开公司。
We have become so hyper focused on that end result, and when the end result is a win, the human component of how we got there often gets swept under the proverbial rug, and so does the damage.我们过度专注在结果上，若最终迎来胜利，让胜利得以实现的人们却没得到应有的表彰，伤害也隐藏了起来
So I'm calling for a time-out. Time-out. We need to redefine success. Real success is developing champions in life for our world, win or lose.所以我要喊时间暂停。时间暂停。我们必须重新定义成功是什么。真正成功是为世界培养人生的赢家，不论输赢
Real success is developing champions in life, not for your team, not for your business and, I'm sad to tell you, not even for your Christmas card bragging rights. Sorry.真正成功是培养人生的赢家，不是为了队伍，也不是为了公司，更不是为了在圣诞节卡片上炫耀。我很抱歉
So how do we do this? First of all, you may be able to dictate your way to a win, but you can't dictate your way to success.我们该怎么做？ 首先，你也许能决定获胜的方法，却不能支配成功的方法
Let me take you back to 1990, when I was first appointed the head coach of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team. And I would like to share with you that I've never done gymnastics. I grew up in the world of ballet. I have never done a cartwheel, and I couldn't teach you how to do a proper cartwheel.让我说说 1990 年，当时我刚接了UCLA女子体操队的总教练。我想跟你们说我从来没练过体操。我跳着芭蕾长大。我从没翻过筋斗，所以我没办法教你完美的筋斗是什么样子
It's sadly true. And I knew nothing about how to develop a team culture. The best I could do was mimic other coaches who had won. And so I became tough-talking, tough-minded, relentless, unsympathetic, bullish, un-empathetic and oftentimes downright mean. I acted like a head coach whose only thought was to figure out how to win.很遗憾，却是真的。我也不知道要如何建立一套队伍文化。我能做的只有模仿其他获胜的教练。所以我开始变得刀子嘴，却没豆腐心，光讲求实际效果，很冷漠、专横、没同理心，也常常很尖酸。我的样子就像个总教练，只想着要如何赢得胜利
My first few seasons as a head coach were abysmal, and after putting up with my brash coaching style for a few years, our team asked me for a team meeting. Well, I love team meetings, so I said, "Yay! Let's have a team meeting." And for two solid hours, they gave me examples of how my arrogance was hurtful and demeaning.
我当总教练的最初几季实在是非常糟糕，我的队伍在忍受我如此自以为是的风格后，找我开了队伍会议。我很喜欢开队伍会议，我跟他们说：「好啊，来开会吧！」 整整两个小时后，他们给了我很多例子，让我知道我的自大让他们感到受伤、轻视。
Yeah, not yay. They explained to me that they wanted to be supported, not belittled. They wanted to be coached up, not torn down. They wanted to be motivated, not pressured or bullied. That was my time-out, and I chose to change.好吧，这样并不好。他们跟我说，想要感到有人支持而不是受贬低。想要受训练进步而不是体无完肤。想要获得动力 而不是因压力或霸凌而受苦。这是我的时间暂停，我选择做出改变
Being a dogmatic dictator may produce compliant, good little soldiers, but it doesn't develop champions in life. It is so much easier, in any walk of life, to dictate and give orders than to actually figure out how to motivate someone to want to be better. And the reason is -- we all know this -- motivation takes a really long time to take root. But when it does, it is character-building and life-altering.一个固执己见的独裁者也许能有优秀士兵服从，却无法创造人生的赢家。各行各业中，相比试着激励他人去愈加进步，凭己见下指令会简单非常多。我们都知道原因是动力需要很长时间扎根，不过一旦获得动力，便能建立良好人格、 改变生命样貌
I realized that I needed to fortify our student-athletes as whole human beings, not just athletes who won. So success for me shifted from only focusing on winning to developing my coaching philosophy, which is developing champions in life through sport. 我认为应该把队员当作完整的人类，而不只是获胜的运动员。因此成功之于我是将重心从只专注获胜转往建立教练哲学。也就是藉由运动创造人生赢家。
And I knew if I did this well enough, that champion mentality would translate to the competition floor. And it did. The key ingredient was to develop trust through patience, respectful honesty and accountability -- all of the ingredients that go into tough love.我知道如果我做得够好，赢家心态也会展现在比赛会场上。结果真是如此。关键是建立信任、保持耐心、诚实尊重他人、还要担起责任，这些因素都会构成坚固的情谊
Speaking of tough love, Katelyn Ohashi is a perfect example of this. You may have all seen her floor routine. It has had over 150 million views. And the consensus is, her performance is pure joy. However, when Katelyn came to UCLA, she was broken in body, mind and spirit. 说到情谊，Katelyn Ohashi 就是一个很好的例子。你也许看过她的地板动作。网络上有超过一亿五千万观看人次。大家都认为她乐在其中。但在她刚到我们学校时，身体、心里还有精神都伤痕累累。
She had grown up in a stereotypical, very high-level athletic world, and she was damaged. So when Katelyn came to UCLA her freshman year, she found her inner rebel quite well, to the point where she was no longer able to do gymnastics at the level at which she was recruited. 她的生长环境是非常典型、 高标准的运动圈，她因此身受其害。所以当她大一来到我们学校，她变得有点叛逆，体操表现不如刚入队时那样出色。
And I will never forget a team meeting we had halfway through her freshman season. We were in there with the team, the coaching staff, the support staff, sports psychologist, and Katelyn very clearly and unapologetically said, "I just don't want to be great again."我永远无法忘记她大一过一半时那次队伍会议。整个队伍、教练团队、支持团队，还有运动心理师都出席了，Katelyn 非常清楚且面无愧色地表达：“我没意愿再次杰出了”
I felt like I got sucker punched. My first thought was, "Then why the heck am I going to honor your scholarship?" It was a really snarky thought, and thankfully I didn't say it out loud, because then I had clarity. Katelyn didn't hate gymnastics. Katelyn hated everything associated with being great. 我像是受到意料外的一击。我的第一个想法是 “这样我哪能给你奖学金？”这想法很不可取，还好我没说出来，因为她也给了解释。她并不讨厌体操，只是讨厌任何事汲汲营营。
Katelyn didn't want to be a winner, because winning at all cost had cost her her joy. My job was to figure out how to motivate her to want to be great again, by helping her redefine success.Katelyn不想赢，因为不计代价的获胜使她赔进了所有的快乐。我的职责便是想办法鼓舞她重拾动力，重新定义成功这件事，以追求卓越
My enthusiasm for that challenge turned into determination wen one day Katelyn looked me in the eye and said, "Ms. Val, I just want you to know, everything you tell me to do, I do the exact opposite."我面对这样的挑战会化热情为决心，是因为有天Katelyn对我说：“教练，我只想让你知道， 我处处都跟你唱反调”
Yeah, it was like, yeah, Katelyn, challenge accepted. OK.就好像是，好Katelyn，我接受挑战
And further proof that dictating was not going to win. So I embarked on the painfully slow process of building trust and proving to her that first and foremost I cared about her as a whole human being. 这也进一步证明，命令起不了效果。所以我开始走上建立信任这条遥遥无期之路，也想要证明我最在乎的是她这个人本身。
Part of my strategy was to only talk to Katelyn about gymnastics in the gym. Outside of the gym, we talked about everything else: school, boys, families, friends, hobbies. I encouraged her to find things outside of her sport that brought her joy. And it was so cool to see the process of Katelyn Ohashi literally blossom before our eyes. 我的策略之一是：只有在体育馆才跟 Katelyn 聊体操，离开了体育馆，我们就另辟话题：学校、男孩、家人、朋友、兴趣，我鼓励她找找除了运动能让她快乐的东西。能看到Katelyn Ohashi在大家眼前渐渐成果累累，这件事非常棒。
And through that process, she rediscovered her self-love and self-worth. And slowly, she was able to bring that joy back to her gymnastics. She went on to earn the NCAA title on floor, and she helped our team win our seventh NCAA championship in 2018.在这个过程中，她也重新了解如何爱惜自己，找到自我价值。她慢慢地可以把这份喜悦带回体操。后来她在NCAA的地板项目夺冠，也帮队伍在2018年赢得第七座NCAA冠军
So let's think about the Katelyn Ohashis in your life. Let's think about those people under your care and your guidance. What are you telling your kids on the car ride home? That car ride home has much more impact than you know.所以让我们想想生命中的Katelyn Ohashis，想想你照顾和带领的人们。你在回家路上会跟小孩说什么？ 回家这段时间，比大家想象的更有影响力。
Are you focusing on the end result, or are you excited to use that time to help your child develop into a champion? It's very simple: you will know you're focusing on the end result if you ask questions about the end result. "Did you win?" "How many points did you score?" "Did you get an A?"你只在乎结果，还是很想好好利用这段时间让你的孩子成为人生赢家？这件事很简单： 如果你问的是结果，那你就是只在乎这件事“你赢了吗？你得几分？你得到A吗？”
If you truly are motivated about helping your child develop into a champion, you will ask questions about the experience and the process, like, "What did you learn today?" "Did you help a teammate?" And, my favorite question, "Did you figure out how to have fun at working really, really hard?"如果你是真的想帮助孩子成为赢家，你问的问题会是关于经验或过程。像是“你今天学了什么？有帮队友吗？”还有我最喜欢的问题 “你很努力，那有乐在其中吗？”
And then the key is to be very still and listen to their response. I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give another human being is to silence our minds from the need to be right or the need to formulate the appropriate response and truly listen when someone else is talking. And in silencing our minds, we actually hear our own fears and inadequacies, which can help us formulate our response with more clarity and empathy.关键是要专注听听他们的响应。我相信我们送别人最大的礼物就是不要觉得凡事都得要正确，也不要刻意营造恰当的响应方式。而是当别人讲话时真心倾听，摒除那些想法。其实也能听到自己的恐惧和不足，而能让我们想想该怎么更清楚、更有同理心的回应
Kyla Ross, another one of our gymnasts, is one of the greatest gymnasts in the history of the sport. She's the only athlete to have earned the trifecta: she's a national champion, a world champion and an Olympic champion. Kyla Ross是我们队上另一位体操员，也是体操史上最杰出的选手之一。她是唯一赢得大三元的选手，全国冠军、世界冠军，还有奥运金牌。
She's also not one for small talk, so I was a bit surprised one day when she came to my office, sat on the couch and just started talking -- first about her major, then about graduate school and then about everything else that seemed to pop into her mind. 她是不太闲聊的人，我很惊讶她那时会来我办公室，坐在沙发上然后开始跟我聊天。先是她的主修，然后是研究所，就像是想到什么就聊什么那样。
My inner voice whispered to me that something was on her mind, and if I was still and gave her enough time, it would come out. And it did. It was the first time that Kyla had shared with anyone that she had been sexually abused by Larry Nassar, the former USA Gymnastics team doctor, who was later convicted of being a serial child molester. Kyla came forward and joined the army of Nassar survivors who shared their stories and used their voices to invoke positive change for our world.我内心告诉我，她一定有什么烦恼。如果我专注倾听，给她够多时间，答案会呼之欲出。最后真是如此，那是她第一次跟任何人说Larry Nassar性虐待她，也就是前美国体操国家队队医，事后遭定罪多次猥亵孩童。Kyla挺身而出加入Nassar受害者的队伍，分享他们的遭遇，也为此发声，让世界变得更加美好
I felt it was extremely important at that time to provide a safe space for Kyla and our team. And so I chose to talk about this in a few team meetings. Later that year, we won the national championship. 我认为在那当下，得提供一个安全的地方给Kyla还有整个队伍。所以我在几次小队会议时都有谈到这个话题，同一年我们赢得国家冠军。
and after we did, Kyla came up to me and shared with me the fact that she felt one reason that we'd won was because we had addressed the elephant in the room, the tragedy that had not only rocked the world but that had liberated the truths and the memories in herself and in so many of her friends and her peers. Kyla之后告诉我，她觉得我们之所以能赢是因为我们让没人敢碰的大麻烦浮上台面。这场悲剧不但震惊了全世界，也让她和许多同侪、朋友们从事实和回忆中得以解脱。
As Kyla said, "Ms. Val, I literally felt myself walk taller as the season went on, and when I walked onto that championship floor, I felt invincible." Simply because she had been heard.就像 Kyla说的：“教练，这个赛季我觉得更有自信， 当我领奖的时候，我觉得我什么都办得到”仅仅是因为有人愿意倾听
As parents, as coaches, as leaders, we can no longer lead from a place where winning is our only metric of success, where our ego sits center stage, because it has been proven that that process produces broken human beings.无论是家长、教练或是领导者，我们再也不能仅以获胜当作成功与否的考虑，也不能只考虑到自己的自尊。因为事实证明这样的过程会让他人受伤。
And I emphatically know that it is absolutely possible to produce and train champions in life in every single walk of life without compromising the human spirit.我非常确定，各行各业要创造和训练人生的赢家，就算不牺牲人性也是做得到的
It starts with defining success for yourself and those under your care and then consistently self-examining whether your actions are in alignment with your goals.必须先为自己还有你照顾的人定义成功，接着不间断地检视自己的行为是否和目标相符
We are all coaches in some capacity. We all have a collective responsibility to develop champions in life for our world. That is what real success looks like, and in the world of athletics, that is what we call a win-win.我们都是有某种特长的教练，我们也都承载着共同的责任，那便是为世界培养人生的赢家。这才是真正的成功。在运动界，我们称这个为双赢
Thank you.谢谢